Chapter 7: The value of humility (paragraph 8)

The second step of humility is not to love having our own way nor to delight in our own desires. Instead we should take as our model for imitation the Lord himself when he says: I have come not to indulge my own desires but to do the will of him who sent me. (From para. 8 of Ch. 7 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

Benedict tells me that Jesus acknowledged his own desires: his ego and his will. But acknowledgement is not the same thing as indulgence or disdain. Acknowledgement leaves room for compassion, and compassion leaves room for growth and transformation. When I am compassionate about my self-centered desires, I leave room for growth. In this growth, my ego can be transformed into a vehicle of service.

Chapter 7: The value of humility (paragraphs 6-7)

As to pursuing our own will we are warned against that when scripture says to us: turn away from your own desires and in the Lord's prayer itself we pray that his will may be brought to fulfilment in us. (From para. 6 of Ch. 7 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

Pursuing my own will, my own desires -- what am I really being warned against? Is my will or desire necessarily bad? I think that Benedict is asking me to look to the root. If the root of my will or desire is in my ego, then what grows from that may very well be just be a larger ego. If the root of my will or desire is in God's "will" --which I would be more inclined to call God's "nature" or God's "love" -- then what grows from that is a deeper and more loving human nature.

Chapter 7: The value of humility (paragraph 5)

One who follows that way finds protection at all times from sin and vice of thought, of tongue, of hand, of foot, of self-will and of disordered sensual desire, so as to lead a life that is completely open before the scrutiny of God and of his angels who watch over us from hour to hour. (From para. 5 of Ch. 7 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

Benedict explains to me that if I live alertly to the intimate presence of God, I find protection.  In this loving relationship with God, I find that I don't need to protect myself. What an incomprehensible message to my ego! So much of my energy goes into my ego's perception of what I need to say or do to look out for myself. But what Benedict is telling me about how to live under the wings of God's protection, is, paradoxically, the ultimate in being set free.

Chapter 7: The value of humility (paragraph 4)

The first step of humility is to cherish at all times the sense of awe with which we should turn to God. It should drive forgetfulness away...  (From para. 4 of Ch. 7 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

Previously when I've read this passage, I've been drawn to Benedict's words about "the sense of awe... [which] should drive forgetfulness away" -- such an encouraging description, for me, of the practice of setting the mantra free in my heart. But today the word that sings out is cherish -- an experience of intimacy.  To me it seems that the first step of humility involves a relationship, an experience of life-giving intimacy.

Chapter 6: Cherishing silence in the monastery

In a monastery we ought to follow the advice of the psalm which says: I have resolved to keep watch over my ways so that I may not sin with my tongue. I am guarded about the way I speak and have accepted silence in humility refraining even from words that are good. In this verse the psalmist shows that, because of the value of silence, there are times when it is best not to speak even though what we have in mind is good. (From para. 1 of Ch.  6 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

In my experience, words can so erupt so quickly from a defensive ego, creating a cycle of more and more defensive posturing. Perhaps, the loving gaze of silence can melt the ego, and accomplish much more good.

Chapter 6: Cherishing silence in the monastery

In a monastery we ought to follow the advice of the psalm which says: I have resolved to keep watch over my ways so that I may not sin with my tongue. I am guarded about the way I speak and have accepted silence in humility refraining even from words that are good. In this verse the psalmist shows that, because of the value of silence, there are times when it is best not to speak even though what we have in mind is good. (From para. 1 of Ch.  6 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

In my experience, words can so erupt so quickly from a defensive ego, creating a cycle of more and more defensive posturing. Perhaps, the loving gaze of silence can melt the ego, and accomplish much more good.

Chapter 5: Monastic obedience (paragraph 4)

We should remember, however, that such obedience will be acceptable to God and rewarding to us, if we carry out the orders given us in a way that is not fearful, nor slow, nor half-hearted, nor marred by murmuring or the sort of compliance that betrays resentment. (From para. 4 of Ch. 5 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

For me, Benedict paints another picture of obedience as radical freedom. A response borne of selfless love is not dragged down nor deadened by ego. Such obedience is a pure expression of liberty of spirit.

Chapter 5: Monastic obedience (paragraphs 1-3)

The first step on the way to humility is to obey an order without delaying for a moment. That is a response which comes easily to those who hold nothing dearer than Christ himself. (From para. 1 of Ch. 3 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

For me, this is a description of utter freedom. If I learn to say the mantra freely in my heart, listen to it resonate freely in my heart, then I learn the freedom of the true disciple. I am free to respond, free to relate, from my best Self -- and free to let others be their best selves.

Chapter 4: Guidelines for Christian and monastic good practice (paragraphs 9-13)

The workshop in which we are called to work along these lines with steady perseverance is the enclosure of the monastery and stability in community life. (From para. 13 of Ch. 4 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

Nearly each word or phrase in Benedict's sentence beats, to my ears, a steady rhythm that is the pulse of stability. This stability is offered to me, as I recognize my life rooted in God, with God, as the most important relationship of my life. This central relationship then allows all the other relationships of my life more freedom than my ego could ever give them.

Chapter 4: Guidelines for Christian and monastic good practice (paragraph 6-8)

Your hope of fulfilment should be centred in God alone. (From para. 6 of Ch. 4 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

In Awakening 1, John Main says, [Jesus] took prayer as the ground of {...} being, not in the sense of restoring ancient rites or ancient customs from which people had fallen away, but he was recalling people to the basic, necessary fundamental attitude we must have to God, to God as the most significant and important relationship in our life -- in human life. I hold this grounding and expansive truth in my heart: God is the most significant and important relationship in my life.

Chapter 4: Guidelines for Christian and monastic good practice (paragraphs 3-5)

Don't let your actions be governed by anger nor nurse your anger against a future opportunity of indulging it. (From para.3 of Ch. 4 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

"Nursing" anger: even the phrase itself betrays a self-deception. "Nursing" anger is steeping myself in the delusions of the ego -- living in the past (what I think happened or should have happened) or the future (how I want things to turn out, or what I'll say when I get the chance). What I'm called to nurse, to nurture, is a constant awareness of existing only in the present moment, selflessly, in the Presence.

Chapter 4: Guidelines for Christian and monastic good practice (paragraphs 1-2)

The first of all things to aim at is to love the Lord God with your whole heart and soul and strength and then to love your neighbour as much as your do yourself. (From para. 1 of Ch. 4 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

But, how much do I love myself? Plenty, I would say, with an egotistical self-love and self-fascination. But do I love myself as created by the Creator? As a being immersed in the mystery of life and sustained each moment by the energy of the divine? It's no wonder to me that John Main teaches that "we must first get in touch with ourselves" before I can love God, and love my neighbor. Mediation helps me get in touch with my true Self.

Chapter 5: Monastic obedience (paragraph 4)

We should remember, however, that such obedience will be acceptable to God and rewarding to us, if we carry out the orders given us in a way that is not fearful, nor slow, nor half-hearted, nor marred by murmuring or the sort of compliance that betrays resentment. (From para. 4 of Ch. 5 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

For me, Benedict paints another picture of obedience as radical freedom. A response borne of selfless love is not dragged down nor deadened by ego. Such obedience is a pure expression of liberty of spirit.

Chapter 3: Calling the community together for consultation (paragraphs 2-3)

Such an ideal can be achieved only if everyone duly conforms to the authority of the Rule and no one gives way to self-will be deviating from it. (From para. 2 of Ch. 3 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

These words call me to re-commit myself to the authority of the Rule, that ancient sixth-century guide for rustic Italian monks living radically in the midst of political and cultural chaos. The authority of the Rule for me, lies in its potency as a living document, one that can be made real in my life, to what is required to transform the ego, to love and live with others, and to seek God.

Chapter 3: Calling the community together for consultation (paragraph 1)

When any business of importance is to be considered in the monastery, the abbot or abbess should summon the whole community together and personally explain to them the agenda that lies before them. After hearing the advice of the community, the superior should consider it carefully in private and only then make a judgement about what is the best decision. (From para. 1 of Ch. 3 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

When any business of importance it be considered my life, I often consult my friends. Sometimes they answer my questions or even give me advice, but they know that the greatest gift they can give me is their deep and loving listening. This leads me back to listen to my own secret voice, my relationship with my Source, with God within me. Then I know what to do, or know I will know what to do.

Chapter 2: Gifts needed by an abbot or abbess (paragraphs 8-9)

Frequent reverent reflection on that future reckoning before the Good Shepherd who has committed his sheep to them will, through their concern for others, inspire [an abbot or abbess] to greater care of their own souls. (From para. 9 of Ch. 2 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

I know I became a better driver when I helped my teenagers learn to drive. I know I become more grateful for the gift of meditation when I share it with others. Benedict tells me that selfless concern for another's soul with increase my care of my own. What this means to me simply is that the spirit is both within and among us.

Chapter 2: Gifts needed by an abbot or abbess (paragraph 7)

[The abbot or abbess] should reflect on what a difficult and demanding task they have accepted, namely that of guiding souls and serving the needs of so many different characters; gentle encouragement will be needed for one, strong rebukes for another, rational persuasion for another, according to the character and intelligence of each. It is the task of the superiors to adapt with sympathetic understanding to the needs of each so that they may not only avoid any loss but even have the joy of increasing the number of good sheep in the flock committed to them. (From para. 7 of Ch. 2 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

Although here St. Benedict focusses on the role of the authority, what he paints compellingly for me is a picture of salvation -- that we are each unique but we are saved together, by engaging in relationship which brings forth the Other.

Chapter 2: Gifts needed by an abbot or abbess (paragraphs 5-6)

They should make their own the different ways of teaching which the Apostle Paul recommended to Timothy when he told him to make use of criticism, of entreaty and of rebuke. (From  para. 5 of Ch. 2 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

The Apostle Paul's list doesn't seem terribly useful for me. I would list these ways of teaching for the situations I generally find myself in: personal authority based on experience, acknowledgement that I'm not omniscient, and listening. Control is all too easy and insidious, I find, and not a conduit for the Spirit. Listening opens up channels for the transmission of mutual respect and love.

Chapter 2: Gifts needed by an abbot or abbess (paragraph 4)

[The abbot or abbess] should not select for special treatment any individual in the monastery. They should not love one more than another unless it is for good observance of the Rule and obedience. (From para. 4 of Ch. 2 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

In my life, there are times I have responsibility for a group, and Benedict's words make sense. But there are also times -- personal friendship times -- when I resonate deeply with another person, perhaps because of what I see in them, perhaps because what they reflect back to me -- hopefully without too much illusion. In these situations, perhaps of spiritual friendship, "special treatment" seems to make sense. May I learn to balance these two kinds of situations, so that in whatever way is open-hearted and appropriate at the time, I see what is best in another, in every other.

Chapter 2: Gifts needed by an abbot or abbess (paragraph 3)

Any, then, who accept the name of abbot abbess should give a lead to their disciples by two distinct methods of teaching -- by the example of the lives they lead (and that is the most important way) and by the words they use in their teaching. (From para. 3 of Ch. 2 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

I may not often be in official positions of authority, but I am always called to be authentic. Meditation helps me to be authentic, to be my true Self, one with my true Source -- a dynamic energy source that can take me beyond my ego's limitations to touch the heart of another.

Chapter 2: Gifts needed by an abbot or abbess (paragraph 2)

However, it is also true that, if the flock has been unruly and disobedient and the superiors have done everything possible as shepherds to cure their vicious ways, then they will be absolved in the judgement of God and may say with the psalmist: I have not hidden your teaching in my heart; I have proclaimed your truth and the salvation you offer, but they despised and rejected me. (From para. 2 of Ch. 2 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

I have not hidden your teaching in my heart: Meditation teaches me that the experience of Self must jump from heart to heart, recognizing with joy the source of divine energy within each of us.

Chapter 2:  Gifts needed by an abbot or abbess (paragraph 1)

Far from it, everything he or she commands or teaches should be like a leaven of the holiness that comes from God infused into the minds of their disciples. (From para. 1 of Ch. 2 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

The leavening power of yeast lightens and expands dough; in the same way my relationship with the Teacher Within enlightens my mind.  But I believe it enlightens my mind through my heart.

Chapter 1: Four approaches to monastic life

Finally those called gyrovagues are the fourth kind of monk. They spend their whole life going round one province after another enjoying the hospitality for three or four days at a time at any sort of monastic cell or community. They are always on the move; they never settle to put down the roots of stability; it is their own will that they serve as they seek the satisfaction of their own gross appetites. They are in every way worse than the sarabaites. (Para. 4 of Ch. 1 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

This is a pretty good description of my occasional states of mind -- too often at the time of meditation -- always on the move, never settling down, serving my own will, seeking the satisfaction of my imagination, ideas, images, moods, my own "gross appetites".  And yet St. Benedict calls me to be stable.  The practice for this stability is in silence and stillness. Saying the mantra. Simply -- embracingly -- to be.

Prologue to the Rule (paragraph 8)

With all this in mind what we mean to establish is a school for the Lord's service. In the guidance we lay down to achieve this we hope to impose nothing harsh or burdensome. If, however, you find in it anything which seems rather strict, but which is demanded reasonably for the correction of vice or the preservation of love, do not let that frighten you into fleeing from the way of salvation; it is a way which is bound to seem narrow to start with. (From para. 8 of The Prologue to the Rule of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

In my experience, the mantra has been a way that seemed narrow to start with, and strict, but it proved to be demanded reasonably for the correction of egotism, and the preservation of selfless attention. Meditation is a school for the Lord's service.

Prologue to the Rule (paragraph 7)

Well then, brothers and sisters, we have questioned the Lord about who can dwell with him in his holy place and we have heard the demands he makes on such a one; we can be united with him there, only if we fulfil those demands. We must, therefore, prepare our hearts and our bodies to serve him under the guidance of holy obedience. (From para. 7 of The Prologue to the Rule of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

May my heart lead me to prepare my body -- to be fit -- to truly serve others, to transmit the divine energy source of love.

Prologue to The Rule (paragraph 6)

The Lord himself in the gospel teaches us the same when he says: I shall liken anyone who hears my words and carries them out in deed to one who is wise enough to build on a rock; then the floods came and the winds blew and struck that house, but it did not fall because it was built on a rock. (From para. 6 of The Prologue to The Rule of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

The practice of meditation is my rock, my twice-daily returning to my source, that grounds me throughout the tumult of my life. So that even when my practice seems mostly to reflect the tumult rather than the rock, somehow I recognize what is grounding me: the generative power of the sacrament of silence and stillness.

Prologue to The Rule (paragraph 5)

And so to prepare ourselves for the journey before us let us renew our faith and set ourselves high standards by which to lead our lives. [...] Such a follower of Christ lives in reverence of him and does not take the credit for a good life but believing that all the good we do comes from the Lord, gives him the credit and thanksgiving for what his gift brings about in our hearts. (From para. 5 of The Prologue to The Rule of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

St. Benedict bids me to both set a high standard for my life, and to acknowledge that the good that comes about from my heart is the gift of God. For me, this is realized in the practice of meditation: Nothing to accomplish, only to be -- to be in the Presence.  And to remember that it is not my meditation, but God's -- that in meditation I step into the energy of love that flows continually between Jesus and the Father.

Prologue to The Rule (paragraph 4)

If you wish to have true life that lasts for ever, then keep your tongue from evil; let you lips speak no deceit; turn away from wrongdoing; seek out peace and pursue it. If you do that, [God] says, I shall look upon you with such love and my ears will be so alert to your prayer that, before you so much as call on me, I shall say to you: here I am. What gentler encouragement could we have, my dear brothers and sisters, than that word from the Lord calling us to himself in such a way! We can see with what loving concern the Lord points out to us the path of life. (From para. 4 of the Prologue to The Rule of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

If I live with kindness towards all, St. Benedict reminds me, I remember that God is with me before I even call on God. In the same way, if I live with faithful practice of meditation, I realize there is nothing for me to "accomplish" to have true life, for God is already with me.

Prologue to The Rule (paragraph 3)

Let us open our eyes to the light that can change us into the likeness of God. (From para. 3 of The Prologue to The Rule from Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

I know that light is always with me, even as the smallest particles in the darkness. What could it mean for me to change into the likeness of God except to attune myself to that light, and, at every moment, to be awake, to be love, to be free.

Prologue to The Rule (paragraphs 1-2)

Listen, child of God, to the guidance of your teacher.  Attend to the message you hear and make sure that it pierces to your heart, so that you may accept with willing freedom and fulfil by the way you live the directions that come from your loving Father. (From para. 1 of Prologue to The Rule of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1973.)

I stand waiting to be delivered into a new phase of my life, and the words "child of God" don't strike me with the sentimentality that they sometimes do. Experiencing a kind of womb-like quickening, I emerge with all the vulnerability and strength freedom gives me. I welcome the loving guidance of my Inner Teacher.