Chapter 7: The value of humility (paragraph 8)

The second step of humility is not to love having our own way nor to delight in our own desires. Instead we should take as our model for imitation the Lord himself when he says: I have come not to indulge my own desires but to do the will of him who sent me. (From para. 8 of Ch. 7 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

Acknowledging that I do love to have my own way creates a tiny space in which I can begin to let go of judgment about this aspect of the human condition. Then, there is room for a transformative moment in which I begin to see life through the eyes of the other/the Other.

Chapter 7: The value of humility (paragraph 7)

As to pursuing our own will we are warned against that when scripture says to us: turn away from your own desires and in the Lord's prayer itself we pray that his will may be brought to fulfilment in us. (From para. 6 of Ch. 7 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

Chapter 7: The value of humility (paragraph 6)

As to pursuing our own will we are warned against that when scripture says to us: turn away from your own desires and in the Lord's prayer itself we pray that his will may be brought to fulfilment in us. (From para. 6 of Ch. 7 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

Pursuing my own will, my own desires -- what am I really being warned against? Is my will or desire necessarily bad? I think that Benedict is asking me to look to the root. If the root of my will or desire is in my ego, then what grows from that may very well be just be a larger ego. If the root of my will or desire is in God's "will" -- which I would be more inclined to call God's "nature" or God's "love" -- then what grows from that is a deeper and more loving human nature.

Chapter 7: The value of humility (paragraph 5)

One who follows that way [of turning to God] finds protection at all times from sin and vice of thought, of tongue, of hand, of foot, of self-will and of disordered sensual desire, so as to lead a life that is completely open before the scrutiny of God and of his angels who watch over us from hour to hour. (From para. 5 of Ch. 7 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

If I'm alert to the presence of God, I can find protection there. In this loving relationship, I begin to question my need to live in denial, evasion, indulgence. What an incomprehensible message to my ego! But Benedict assures me that the practice of presence of God puts me in touch with my life-source, and will bring me to purity of heart.

Chapter 7: The value of humility (paragraph 4)

The first step of humility is to cherish at all times the sense of awe with which we should turn to God. It should drive forgetfulness away...  (From para. 4 of Ch. 7 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

Previously when I've read this passage, I've been drawn to Benedict's words about "the sense of awe... [which] should drive forgetfulness away" -- such an encouraging description, for me, of the practice of setting the mantra free in my heart. But today the word that calls out is cherish -- an experience of intimacy. To me it seems that the first step of humility involves a relationship, an experience of life-giving intimacy with God.

Chapter 7: The value of humility (paragraphs 1-3)

It is just such an exchange that we need to establish in our own lives, but with this difference for us: our proud attempts at upward climbing will really bring us down, whereas to step downwards in humility is the way to lift our spirit up towards God. (From para. 1 of Ch. 7 of St. Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

This is a workout for my ego -- not one that strengthens it, but one that would soften it. A blow to my pride, or a step up from my own self preoccupations, create conditions for me to move beyond my limitations, to find my true place in the Spirit.

Chapter 6: Cherishing silence in the monastery

In a monastery we ought to follow the advice of the psalm which says: I have resolved to keep watch over my ways so that I may not sin with my tongue. I am guarded about the way I speak and have accepted silence in humility refraining even from words that are good. In this verse the psalmist shows that, because of the value of silence, there are times when it is best not to speak even though what we have in mind is good. (From para. 1 of Ch.  6 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

In my experience, words can so erupt so quickly from a defensive ego, creating a cycle of more and more defensive posturing. Perhaps, the loving gaze of silence can melt the ego, and accomplish much more good.

Chapter 5: Monastic obedience (paragraph 4)

We should remember, however, that such obedience will be acceptable to God and rewarding to us, if we carry out the orders given us in a way that is not fearful, nor slow, nor half-hearted, nor marred by murmuring or the sort of compliance that betrays resentment. (From para. 4 of Ch. 5 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

For me, Benedict paints another picture of obedience as radical freedom. A response borne of selfless love is not dragged down nor deadened by ego. Such obedience is a pure expression of liberty of spirit.

Chapter 5: Monastic obedience (paragraphs 1-3)

The first step on the way to humility is to obey an order without delaying for a moment. That is a response which comes easily to those who hold nothing dearer than Christ himself. (From para. 1 of Ch. 3 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

For me, this is a description of utter freedom. As I learn to say the mantra in my heart, and listen to it resonate in my heart, then I learn the freedom of the true disciple. I am free to respond, free to relate, from my best Self -- and free to let others be their best selves.

Chapter 4: Guidelines for Christian and monastic good practice (paragraphs 9-13)

The workshop in which we are called to work along these lines with steady perseverance is the enclosure of the monastery and stability in community life. (From para. 13 of Ch. 4 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

For me, the stability of which Benedict speaks, is a powerful way to characterize fidelity to the mantra, rootedness in God, and sincerity in selfless attention to the other. 

Chapter 4: Guidelines for Christian and monastic good practice (paragraph 6-8)

Your hope of fulfilment should be centred in God alone. (From para. 6 of Ch. 4 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

In Awakening 1, John Main says, [Jesus] took prayer as the ground of [...]being, not in the sense of restoring ancient rites or ancient customs from which people had fallen away, but he was recalling people to the basic, necessary fundamental attitude we must have to God, to God as the most significant and important relationship in our life -- in human life.

Chapter 4: Guidelines for Christian and monastic good practice (paragraphs 3-5)

Don't let your actions be governed by anger nor nurse your anger against a future opportunity of indulging it. (From para.3 of Ch. 4 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

"Nursing" anger: even the phrase itself betrays self-deception. "Nursing" anger is steeping myself in the delusions of the ego, believing that such indulgence is vital. What I'm called to to nurture, through meditation, is an awareness of always being able to begin anew.

Chapter 4: Guidelines for Christian and monastic good practice (paragraphs 1-2)

The first of all things to aim at is to love the Lord God with your whole heart and soul and strength and then to love your neighbour as much as your do yourself. (From para. 1 of Ch. 4 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

But, how much do I love myself? Plenty, I would say, with an egotistical self-preoccupation. But do I love myself as created by God? As a being immersed in the mystery of life and sustained each moment by the energy of the divine? It's no wonder to me that John Main teaches that I "must first get in touch with [myself]" before I can love God, and love my neighbor. Mediation helps me get in touch with my true Self.

Chapter 3: Calling the community together for consultation (paragraphs 2-3)

Such an ideal can be achieved only if everyone duly conforms to the authority of the Rule and no one gives way to self-will by deviating from it. (From para. 2 of Ch. 3 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

These words call me to re-commit myself to the authority of the Rule, that ancient sixth-century guide for rustic Italian monks living radically in the midst of political and cultural chaos. The authority of the Rule for me, lies in its potency as a living document, one that can be made real in my life, about what is required to transform the ego, by loving and living with others, by seeking God.

Chapter 3: Calling the community together for consultation (paragraph 1)

When any business of importance is to be considered in the monastery, the abbot or abbess should summon the whole community together and personally explain to them the agenda that lies before them. After hearing the advice of the community, the superior should consider it carefully in private and only then make a judgement about what is the best decision. (From para. 1 of Ch. 3 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

When any business of importance it to be considered my life, I often consult my friends. Sometimes they answer my questions or even give me advice, but they know that the greatest gift they can give me is their deep and loving listening. This leads me back to listen to my own secret voice, to my relationship with my Source. Then I know what to do, or know I will know what to do.

Chapter 2: Gifts needed by an abbot or abbess (paragraphs 8-9)

Frequent reverent reflection on that future reckoning before the Good Shepherd who has committed his sheep to them will, through their concern for others, inspire [an abbot or abbess] to greater care of their own souls. (From para. 9 of Ch. 2 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

I know I became a better driver when I helped my teenagers learn to drive. I know I become more astonished by the gift of meditation when I share it with others. Benedict tells me that selfless concern for another's soul increases my care of my own. What this shows me is that the spirit is both within and among us. We are saved together.

Chapter 2: Gifts needed by an abbot or abbess (paragraph 7)

[The abbot or abbess] should reflect on what a difficult and demanding task they have accepted, namely that of guiding souls and serving the needs of so many different characters; gentle encouragement will be needed for one, strong rebukes for another, rational persuasion for another, according to the character and intelligence of each. It is the task of the superiors to adapt with sympathetic understanding to the needs of each so that they may not only avoid any loss but even have the joy of increasing the number of good sheep in the flock committed to them. (From para. 7 of Ch. 2 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

Although here St. Benedict focusses on the role of the authority, what he paints for me is a picture of salvation -- that we are each unique but we are saved together, by engaging in relationship which brings forth the Other.

Chapter 2: Gifts needed by an abbot or abbess (paragraphs 5-6)

They should make their own the different ways of teaching which the Apostle Paul recommended to Timothy when he told him to make use of criticism, of entreaty and of rebuke. Thus in adapting to changing circumstances they should use now the encouragement of a loving parent and now the threats of a harsh disciplinarian. [...] 
      A monastic superior should never show tolerance of wrongdoing, but as soon as it begins to grow should root it out completely . . . (From  paras. 5-6 of Ch. 2 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

Benedict convinces me of the need for discernment in teaching or correcting when the Spirit urges me to do so. In my experience of discernment in human relations, discernment takes place over time, so that patience and good timing come into play -- patience so that I do not react from the ego, and good timing so that I am sensitive to the right moment for growth or change. But I must be careful not to use time, hedgingly, as a failure to act in an appropriate way.

Chapter 2: Gifts needed by an abbot or abbess (paragraph 4)

[The abbot or abbess] should not select for special treatment any individual in the monastery. They should not love one more than another unless it is for good observance of the Rule and obedience.  One who is free-born should not,  for that reason, be advanced before one coming to monastic life from a condition of slavery, unless there is some other good reason for it. (From para. 4 of Ch. 2 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

I'm not a better meditator than anyone else, and no one else is a better meditator than me. All that matters for me, for anyone, in the practice is growing fidelity. Fruits of meditation manifest according to the grace of God.

Chapter 2: Gifts needed by an abbot or abbess (paragraph 3)

Any, then, who accept the name of abbot abbess should give a lead to their disciples by two distinct methods of teaching -- by the example of the lives they lead (and that is the most important way) and by the words they use in their teaching. (From para. 3 of Ch. 2 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

I may not often be in official positions of authority, but I am always called to be authentic. Meditation helps me to be authentic, because it helps me to find my proper place, to be my True Self, with God at the center of my life. Being authentic means an entry into the human consciousness of Jesus, a dynamic energy source that can take me beyond my ego's limitations to teach or to touch the heart of another.

Chapter 2: Gifts needed by an abbot or abbess (paragraph 2)

However, it is also true that, if the flock has been unruly and disobedient and the superiors have done everything possible as shepherds to cure their vicious ways, then they will be absolved in the judgement of God and may say with the psalmist: I have not hidden your teaching in my heart; I have proclaimed your truth and the salvation you offer, but they despised and rejected me. (From para. 2 of Ch. 2 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

I have not hidden your teaching in my heart: Meditation teaches me that the power of selfless attention can jump from heart to heart, experiencing with joy the source of divine energy within and among us.

Chapter 2:  Gifts needed by an abbot or abbess (paragraph 1)

Anyone who aspires as abbot or abbess to be superior of a monastery should always remember what is really meant by the title and fulfil in their monastic life all that is required in one holding the office of monastic superior. For it is the place of Christ that the superior is understood to hold in the monastery by having a name which belongs to Christ . . . (From para. 1 of Ch. 2 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

If I'm to unpack what this passage might mean to me, I have to identify and abandon my false assumptions about leadership having to do with power or status. Benedict directs me to see that real leadership is about realizing the human consciousness of Jesus in my heart. In this way, I can see that Christ-like leadership expresses itself in selfless attention to the other.

Chapter 1: Four approaches to monastic life

Finally those called gyrovagues are the fourth kind of monk. They spend their whole life going round one province after another enjoying the hospitality for three or four days at a time at any sort of monastic cell or community. They are always on the move; they never settle to put down the roots of stability; it is their own will that they serve as they seek the satisfaction of their own gross appetites. They are in every way worse than the sarabaites. (Para. 4 of Ch. 1 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

This is a pretty good description of my occasional states of mind -- often at the time of meditation -- always on the move, never settling down, serving my own will, seeking the satisfaction of my imagination, moods, fantasies. And yet St. Benedict calls me to be stable. Stability makes stillness possible. An inner silence can grow. I can simply be.

Prologue to the Rule (paragraph 8)

With all this in mind what we mean to establish is a school for the Lord's service. In the guidance we lay down to achieve this we hope to impose nothing harsh or burdensome. If, however, you find in it anything which seems rather strict, but which is demanded reasonably for the correction of vice or the preservation of love, do not let that frighten you into fleeing from the way of salvation; it is a way which is bound to seem narrow to start with. (From para. 8 of The Prologue to the Rule of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

In my experience, the mantra has been a way that seemed narrow to start with, and strict, but it proved to be demanded reasonably for the correction of egotism, and the preservation of selfless attention. Meditation is my school for the Lord's service.

Prologue to the Rule (paragraph 7)

Well then, brothers and sisters, we have questioned the Lord about who can dwell with him in his holy place and we have heard the demands he makes on such a one; we can be united with him there, only if we fulfil those demands. We must, therefore, prepare our hearts and our bodies to serve him under the guidance of holy obedience. (From para. 7 of The Prologue to the Rule of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

I long to be ever more obedient in fulfilling the demands of love to myself, to others, to God. Meditation is the most incarnational form of prayer there is, gradually integrating my heart and my body in a fitness to serve.

Prologue to The Rule (paragraph 6)

The Lord himself in the gospel teaches us the same when he says: I shall liken anyone who hears my words and carries them out in deed to one who is wise enough to build on a rock; then the floods came and the winds blew and struck that house, but it did not fall because it was built on a rock. (From para. 6 of The Prologue to The Rule of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

The practice of meditation is my rock, my twice-daily grounding throughout the tumult of my life. But during those times when my life seems mostly to reflect the tumult rather than the rock, I can still recover faith in the firm ground, I can always know what my practice is, and eventually the rock rises up to meet me.

Prologue to The Rule (paragraph 5)

And so to prepare ourselves for the journey before us let us renew our faith and set ourselves high standards by which to lead our lives. [...] Such a follower of Christ lives in reverence of him and does not take the credit for a good life but believing that all the good we do comes from the Lord, gives him the credit and thanksgiving for what his gift brings about in our hearts. (From para. 5 of The Prologue to The Rule of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

St. Benedict bids me to set out with a high standard for my life, and also to acknowledge that it is through grace that any good comes about in my heart. For me, this is realized in fidelity to meditation: Nothing to accomplish, only to be. And to remember that it is not my meditation, but God's -- that in meditation I step into the energy of love that flows continually between Jesus and the Father.

Prologue to The Rule (paragraph 4)

If you wish to have true life that lasts forever, then keep your tongue from evil; let you lips speak no deceit; turn away from wrongdoing; seek out peace and pursue it. If you do that, [God] says, I shall look upon you with such love and my ears will be so alert to your prayer that, before you so much as call on me, I shall say to you: here I am. (From para. 4 of the Prologue to The Rule of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

I understand that I must avoid speaking or acting unconsciously. Rather, I must seek peace in the silence of my heart. For me, this means to abandon my own fantasies and to live in the reality of God, to realize God in my heart.

Prologue to The Rule (paragraph 3)

However late, then, it may seem, let us rouse ourselves from lethargy. That is what the scripture urges on us when it says: the time has come for us to rouse ourselves from sleep. Let us open our eyes to the light that can change us into the likeness of God. Let our ears be alert to the stirring call of his voice crying to us every day: today, if you should hear his voice, do not harden your hearts. (From para. 3 of The Prologue to The Rule from Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

However late, then, it may seem  . . .  it is time for me to begin again. I know that the transforming light is always within me, even as the smallest, unseen particles in the darkness. What could it mean for me to change into the likeness of God except to have faith in the existence of that light and attune myself to it, again and again? And to discover how, in every twist of fate, to be awake, to be love, to be free.

Prologue to The Rule (paragraphs 1-2)

Listen, child of God, to the guidance of your teacher.  Attend to the message you hear and make sure that it pierces to your heart, so that you may accept with willing freedom and fulfil by the way you live the directions that come from your loving Father. (From para. 1 of Prologue to The Rule of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1973.)

To discover my Inner Teacher, to listen to her message and to absorb the paradox of heart-piercing liberty, and to live this out through my life . . .  St  Benedict speaks of obedience, Fr John speaks of fidelity. Either way, it is the practice of selfless attention that puts me on this path.