Chapter 7: The value of humility (paragraph 9)

The third step of humility is to submit oneself out of love of God to whatever obedience under a superior may require of us; it is the example of he Lord himself that we follow in this way, as we know from St Paul's words: he was made obedient even unto death. (Para. 9 of Ch. 7 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

Obedience means to listen deeply to another, with selfless attention; it's a way of ascesis that can cut through the ego. In this way, perhaps, the essential goodness at the core of my being, may respond to the essential goodness at the core of another's being.

Chapter 7: The value of humility (paragraph 8)

The second step of humility is not to love having our own way nor to delight in our own desires. Instead we should take as our model for imitation the Lord himself when he says: I have come not to indulge my own desires but to do the will of him who sent me. (From para. 8 of Ch. 7 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

Benedict tells me that Jesus acknowledged his own desires: his ego and his will. But acknowledgement is not the same thing as either indulgence or disdain. Acknowledgement leaves room for compassion, and compassion leaves room for growth and transformation. When I am compassionate with my humanness, my short-comings, my mistakes, I leave room for growth. In this growth, my ego and will can also be transformed, like Jesus', into vehicles of service, of sacrifice, of love.

Chapter 7: The value of humility (paragraph 7)

And so, if the eyes of the Lord are watching the good and the wicked, and if at all times the Lord looks down from heaven on the sons and daughters of men to see if any show understanding in seeking God, and if the angels assigned to care for us report our deeds to the Lord day and night, we must be on our guard every hour or else, as the psalmist says, the time may come when God will observe us falling into evil and so made worthless. (From para. 7 of Ch. 7 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

Unfortunately, Benedict's words scare up feelings of my own anxiety and failure in relation to my Source. And yet, this is the opposite of how he describes the appropriate behavior of the abbot or abbess who takes the place of Christ (from Ch. 2, para. 7: It is the task of the superiors to adapt with sympathetic understanding to the needs of each so that they may not only avoid any loss but even have the joy of increasing the number of good sheep in the flock committed to them.)  So I think what Benedict is trying to summon up in the sterner paragraph of Chapter 7, is how important it is to guide people to show understanding in seeking God -- the words buried right in the middle of the passage. Perhaps someone, somewhere, at some time, needed to be "put on guard" to remember to seek God. Today, in my life, I also need to be reminded to seek God, but perhaps in words like these: God is the center of my soul.

Chapter 7: The value of humility (paragraphs 6-7)

As to pursuing our own will we are warned against that when scripture says to us: turn away from your own desires and in the Lord's prayer itself we pray that his will may be brought to fulfilment in us. (From para. 6 of Ch. 7 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

Pursuing my own will, turning away from my own desires -- what am I really being warned against? Is my will or desire necessarily bad? I think that Benedict is asking me to look to the root. If the root of my will or desire is in my ego, then what grows from that may very well be just be a larger ego. If the root of my will or desire is in God's "will" --which I would be more inclined to call God's "nature" or God's "love" -- then what grows from that is a deeper and more loving human nature.

Chapter 7: The value of humility (paragraph 5)

One who follows that way finds protection at all times from sin and vice of thought, of tongue, of hand, of foot, of self-will and of disordered sensual desire, so as to lead a life that is completely open before the scrutiny of God and of his angels who watch over us from hour to hour. (From para. 5 of Ch. 7 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

Benedict explains to me that if I live alertly to the intimate presence of God, I find protection.  In this loving relationship with God (I can love because God loves me first) I find that I don't need to protect myself. What an incomprehensible message to my ego! So much of my energy goes into my ego's perception of what I need to say or do to look out for myself. But what Benedict is telling me about how to live under the wings of God's protection, is, paradoxically, the ultimate in being set free.

Chapter 7: The value of humility (paragraph 4)

The first step of humility is to cherish at all times the sense of awe with which we should turn to God. It should drive forgetfulness away...  (From para. 4 of Ch. 7 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

Previously when I've read this passage, I've been drawn to Benedict's words about "the sense of awe... [which] should drive forgetfulness away" -- such an encouraging description, for me, of the practice of setting the mantra free in my heart. But today the word that sings out is cherish -- an experience of intimacy.  To me it seems that the first step of humility involves an experience of life-giving intimacy.

Chapter 7: The value of humility (paragraphs 1-3)

Paradoxically, to climb upwards will take us down to earth but stepping down will lift us towards heaven. The steps themselves, then, mark the decisions we are called to make in the exercise of humility and self-discipline. (From para. 3 of Ch. 7 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

Steps -- decisions -- exercise [practice] -- humility -- self-discipline. These words cry out to me in a way they never did before. At first they sound dry, flinty, demanding more motivation than I have. But as I listen to them, I hear a gentle voice of love, reminding me that in every moment I have a choice of where to place my attention -- a choice of where to step. This is what the practice of meditation teaches me. May each step, each moment, take me closer to God who is the center of my soul.