Chapter 7: The value of humility (paragraph 8)

The second step of humility is not to love having our own way nor to delight in our own desires. Instead we should take as our model for imitation the Lord himself when he says: I have come not to indulge my own desires but to do the will of him who sent me. (From para. 8 of Ch. 7 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

Acknowledging that I do love to have my own way creates a tiny space in which I can begin to let go of judgment about this aspect of the human condition. Then, there is room for a transformative moment in which I begin to see life through the eyes of the other/the Other.

Chapter 7: The value of humility (paragraph 7)

As to pursuing our own will we are warned against that when scripture says to us: turn away from your own desires and in the Lord's prayer itself we pray that his will may be brought to fulfilment in us. (From para. 6 of Ch. 7 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

Chapter 7: The value of humility (paragraph 6)

As to pursuing our own will we are warned against that when scripture says to us: turn away from your own desires and in the Lord's prayer itself we pray that his will may be brought to fulfilment in us. (From para. 6 of Ch. 7 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

Pursuing my own will, my own desires -- what am I really being warned against? Is my will or desire necessarily bad? I think that Benedict is asking me to look to the root. If the root of my will or desire is in my ego, then what grows from that may very well be just be a larger ego. If the root of my will or desire is in God's "will" -- which I would be more inclined to call God's "nature" or God's "love" -- then what grows from that is a deeper and more loving human nature.

Chapter 7: The value of humility (paragraph 5)

One who follows that way [of turning to God] finds protection at all times from sin and vice of thought, of tongue, of hand, of foot, of self-will and of disordered sensual desire, so as to lead a life that is completely open before the scrutiny of God and of his angels who watch over us from hour to hour. (From para. 5 of Ch. 7 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

If I'm alert to the presence of God, I can find protection there. In this loving relationship, I begin to question my need to live in denial, evasion, indulgence. What an incomprehensible message to my ego! But Benedict assures me that the practice of presence of God puts me in touch with my life-source, and will bring me to purity of heart.

Chapter 7: The value of humility (paragraph 4)

The first step of humility is to cherish at all times the sense of awe with which we should turn to God. It should drive forgetfulness away...  (From para. 4 of Ch. 7 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

Previously when I've read this passage, I've been drawn to Benedict's words about "the sense of awe... [which] should drive forgetfulness away" -- such an encouraging description, for me, of the practice of setting the mantra free in my heart. But today the word that calls out is cherish -- an experience of intimacy. To me it seems that the first step of humility involves a relationship, an experience of life-giving intimacy with God.

Chapter 7: The value of humility (paragraphs 1-3)

It is just such an exchange that we need to establish in our own lives, but with this difference for us: our proud attempts at upward climbing will really bring us down, whereas to step downwards in humility is the way to lift our spirit up towards God. (From para. 1 of Ch. 7 of St. Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

This is a workout for my ego -- not one that strengthens it, but one that would soften it. A blow to my pride, or a step up from my own self preoccupations, create conditions for me to move beyond my limitations, to find my true place in the Spirit.

Chapter 6: Cherishing silence in the monastery

In a monastery we ought to follow the advice of the psalm which says: I have resolved to keep watch over my ways so that I may not sin with my tongue. I am guarded about the way I speak and have accepted silence in humility refraining even from words that are good. In this verse the psalmist shows that, because of the value of silence, there are times when it is best not to speak even though what we have in mind is good. (From para. 1 of Ch.  6 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

In my experience, words can so erupt so quickly from a defensive ego, creating a cycle of more and more defensive posturing. Perhaps, the loving gaze of silence can melt the ego, and accomplish much more good.