Chapter 7: The value of humility (paragraphs 6-7)
As to pursuing our own will we are warned against that when scripture says to us: turn away from your own desires; and in the Lord's prayer itself we pray that his will may be brought to fulfilment in us. (From para. 6 of Ch. 7 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)
Hearing "my own will" spoken of puts me just perceptibly on the defensive, as if someone's going to blame me for something I've done that goes against their own will... But that is simply the will at the egoic level. At the level of my higher self, my will is really only the obsessions and distractions that limit me from realizing that the will of God is my potential for alignment with my creator, my source, who knows me better than I know myself.
I know I can love in the wrong way-enabling, codependent, and all the other descriptions that psychology has identified with false loving. What lies at the root of these misguided ways for me is a false sense of self and not true self-knowledge. If "we pray" as Benedict tells me today,"that his will may be brought to fulfillment in us" then I have to root myself and my "desires" in Christ who is hidden in my own heart. It comes down to the daily meditation practice where I let go of codependencies and enablings and biases and allow the Spirit of God to help me embrace Christ and His will. And for me it certainly is not an overnight success. That is where that word "endurance" comes in. I have to endure the mistakes but also stay in for the long haul of meditation where at some point as Joh Main points out, I will be "confident" of my own being, goodness,and most importantly my own capacity for loving and being loved which is really the will of God.(see John Main in, Silence & Stillness,May 28, p.149)
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