Chapter 7: The value of humility (paragraphs 10-11)

The fourth step of humility is to go even further than this by readily accepting in patient and silent endurance, without thought of giving up the issue, any hard and demanding things that may come our way in the course of that obedience, even if they include harsh impositions which are unjust. (From para. 10 of Ch. 7 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry OSB, 1997.)

I can create for myself "harsh impositions which are unjust". Only God can lead me through the difficult ways of discerning what damages my self-confidence, and what will help me place my center of being in God. John Main teaches me: "To be stable we need to be sure of ourselves. We need to feel we are standing on firm ground and that we will not have our identity or self-respect blown away by the first storms of disappointment or conflict which we encounter. Meditation is the way to this first and basic sense of stability, rootedness in ourselves." (Silence and Stillness, p. 267)

Chapter 7: The value of humility (paragraph 9)

The third step of humility is to submit oneself out of love of God to whatever obedience under a superior may require of us; it is the example of the Lord himself that we follow in this way, as we know from St Paul's words: he was made obedient even unto death. (Para. 9 of Ch. 7 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry OSB, 1997.)

I'm obedient when I respond to another out of love and gratitude, not out of fear or resentment. Love and gratitude are aspects of my true self; fear and resentment are but habits of my ego. Love expands; fear dies; little by little my ego is transformed.

Chapter 7: The value of humility (paragraph 8)

The second step of humility is not to love having our own way nor to delight in our own desires. (From para. 8 of Ch. 7 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry OSB, 1997.)

Delight in my own desires, as wonderful as it sounds, is but an aspect of my heart closed in on itself. When life breaks open a heart, as it does, faith teaches me that the heart breaks open to love the whole world.

Chapter 7: The value of humility (paragraphs 6-7)

As to pursuing our own will we are warned against that when scripture says to us: turn away from your own desires; and in the Lord's prayer itself we pray that his will may be brought to fulfilment in us. (From para. 6 of Ch. 7 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry OSB, 1997.)

In the practice of saying the mantra, I learn to turn away from my own will.  Fr. John teaches me that this is the way of poverty of spirit, leading to purity of heart. When my heart is finally pure, the Lord's will may also be mine.

Chapter 7: The value of humility (paragraph 5)

One who follows that way finds protection at all times from sin and vice of thought, of tongue, of hand, of foot, of self-will and of disordered sensual desire, so as to lead a life that is completely open before the scrutiny of God and his angels who watch over us from hour to hour. (From para. 5 of Ch. 7 of St Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

Meditation teaches me what it means to to cherish a sense of awe at all times. I must have faith that  such wonder will drive distractedness away, so that I will be able to lead a life that is completely open to God.

Chapter 7: The value of humility (paragraph 4)

The first step of humility is to cherish at all times the sense of awe with which we should turn to God. It should drive forgetfulness away; it should keep our minds alive to all God's commandments... (From para. 4 of Ch. 7 of St Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

The first step of humility sounds to me like nothing less than pure attention -- continuous prayer. And humility is appropriate here, because to be in that prayer is to begin, and to begin again, every time I fail, the practice of meditation.

Chapter 7: The value of humility (paragraphs 1-3)

It is just such an exchange that we need to establish in our own lives, but with this difference for us: our proud attempts at upward climbing will really bring us down, whereas to step downwards in humility is the way to lift our spirit up towards God. (From para. 1 of Ch. 7 of St. Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

This is a workout for my ego -- not one that strengthens it, but one that would soften it. A blow to my pride, or a step up from my own self preoccupations, create conditions for me to move beyond my limitations, to find my true place in the Spirit.

Chapter 6: Cherishing silence in the monastery

In a monastery we ought to follow the advice of the psalm which says: I have resolved to keep watch over my ways so that I may not sin with my tongue. I am guarded about the way I speak and have accepted silence in humility refraining even from words that are good. In this verse the psalmist shows that, because of the value of silence, there are times when it is best not to speak even though what we have in mind is good. (From para. 1 of Ch.  6 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

In my experience, words can so erupt so quickly from a defensive ego, creating a cycle of more and more defensive posturing. Perhaps, the loving gaze of silence can melt the ego, and accomplish much more good.

Chapter 5: Monastic obedience (paragraph 4)

We should remember, however, that such obedience will be acceptable to God and rewarding to us, if we carry out the orders given us in a way that is not fearful, nor slow, nor half-hearted, nor marred by murmuring or the sort of compliance that betrays resentment. (From para. 4 of Ch. 5 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

For me, Benedict paints a picture, in this chapter, of obedience as radical freedom. Such freedom is immediate -- an undivided response borne of selfless love, that is not dragged down nor deadened by ego.

Chapter 4: Guidelines for Christian and monastic good practice (paragraphs 9-13)

The workshop in which we are called to work along these lines with steady perseverance is the enclosure of the monastery and stability in community life. (From para. 13 of Ch. 4 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

Nearly each word or phrase in Benedict's sentence beats, to my ears, a steady rhythm that is the pulse of stability. This stability is offered to me, as I recognize my life rooted in God, with God, as the most important relationship of my life. This central relationship then allows all the other relationships of my life more freedom than my ego could ever give them.

Chapter 4: Guidelines for Christian and monastic good practice (paragraph 6-8)

Your hope of fulfilment should be centred in God alone. (From para. 6 of Ch. 4 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

In Awakening 1, John Main says, [Jesus] took prayer as the ground of {...} being, not in the sense of restoring ancient rites or ancient customs from which people had fallen away, but he was recalling people to the basic, necessary fundamental attitude we must have to God, to God as the most significant and important relationship in our life -- in human life. I hold this grounding and expansive truth in my heart: God is the most significant and important relationship in my life.

Chapter 4: Guidelines for Christian and monastic good practice (paragraphs 3-5)

Don't let your actions be governed by anger nor nurse your anger against a future opportunity of indulging it. (From para.3 of Ch. 4 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

"Nursing" anger: even the phrase itself betrays a self-deception. "Nursing" anger is steeping myself in the delusions of the ego -- living in the past (what I think happened or should have happened) or the future (how I want things to turn out, or what I'll say when I get the chance). What I'm called to nurse, to nurture, is a constant awareness of existing only in the present moment, in the Presence.

Chapter 4: Guidelines for Christian and monastic good practice (paragraphs 1-2)

The first of all things to aim at is to love the Lord God with your whole heart and soul and strength and then to love your neighbour as much as your do yourself. (From para. 1 of Ch. 4 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

If I look at this "first thing" in the way I understand the teaching of Fr John, then I first have to get in touch with myself, my True Self, in order to realize that I am already loved by God. Then, from that kind of self-love, I can better try to love my neighbor knowing that they, too, are already loved by God.

Chapter 3: Calling the community together for consultation (paragraphs 2-3)

Such an ideal can be achieved only if everyone duly conforms to the authority of the Rule and no one gives way to self-will be deviating from it. (From para. 2 of Ch. 3 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

These words call me to re-commit myself to the authority of the Rule, that ancient sixth-century guide for rustic Italian monks living radically in the midst of political and cultural chaos. For me, the authority of the Rule is its potency as a living document, one that can be made real in my life, to what is required to transform the ego, to love and live with others, and to seek God.

Chapter 3: Calling the community together for consultation (paragraph 1)

When any business of importance is to be considered in the monastery, the abbot or abbess should summon the whole community together and personally explain to them the agenda that lies before them. After hearing the advice of the community, the superior should consider it carefully in private and only then make a judgement about what is the best decision. We have insisted that all the community should be summoned for such consultation, because it often happens that the Lord makes the best course clear to one of the youngest. The community themselves should be careful to offer their advice with due deference and respect, avoiding an obstinate defence of their own convictions. It is for the abbot or abbess in the end to make the decision and everyone else should obey what the superior judges to be best. To get the balance right it should be remembered that, whereas it is right for subordinates to obey their superior, it is just as important for the superior to be far-sighted and fair in administration. (Para. 1 of Ch. 3 of St. Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

Although St Benedict is talking about obedience under a superior, I think that in essence he describes open and respectful dialogue among people with common concerns. The fruits of meditation, in terms of non-judgmental listening and authentic speaking, are powerful tools that it seems to me the world sorely needs.

Chapter 2: Gifts needed by an abbot or abbess (paragraphs 8-9)

By encouraging through their faithful ministry better standards for those in their care, they will develop higher ideals in their own lives as well. (From para. 9 of Ch. 2 of St. Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

I feel that I must be very careful not to read this passage as permission to teach others in my care, or to expect of them, what I don't hold as a standard for myself. And, as St. Paul says, we all have different gifts, so I should also avoid the urge towards comparing myself with others. In the middle way is a path of mutual encouragement that is to be found when the Spirit meets itself in another.

Chapter 2: Gifts needed by an abbot or abbess (paragraph 7)

[The abbot or abbess] should reflect on what a difficult demanding task they have accepted, namely that of guiding souls and serving the needs of so many different characters; gentle encouragement will be needed for one, strong rebukes for another, rational persuasion for another, according to the character and intelligence of each. (From Ch. 2 of St. Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

What this paragraph says to me more than anything else is that I am both unique and that I share a common humanity. Wherever I am, whatever my role, there this uniqueness and unity to be seen in each person, and this is how relationships can become transformational.

Chapter 2: Gifts needed by an abbot or abbess (paragraphs 5-6)

They should make their own the different ways of teaching which the Apostle Paul recommended to Timothy when he told him to make use of criticism, of entreaty and of rebuke. Thus in adapting to changing circumstances they should use now the encouragement of a loving parent and now the threats of a harsh disciplinarian. (From  para. 5 of Ch. 2 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

Paul's list of teaching styles doesn't seem spot on for me. Even taking into consideration the necessity at times for "tough love", it seems to me that "criticism, entreaty, rebuke" could easily reflect my impulse for control more than respect for the other. Control can even take the guise of love. I think that what will lead me to appropriate responses is a habit of deep listening.

Chapter 2: Gifts needed by an abbot or abbess (paragraph 4)

[The abbot or abbess] should not select for special treatment any individual in the monastery. They should not love one more than another unless it is for good observance of the Rule and obedience. (From para. 4 of Ch. 2 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

In my life, I see that it's not wise to give special treatment to anyone in a group. But, I also see, and welcome, times of special resonance with another, a unique spiritual friendship. May I learn to respond in a balanced way to both these situations, with the priority of seeing that of God in everyone.

Chapter 2: Gifts needed by an abbot or abbess (paragraph 3)

Any, then, who accept the name of abbot or abbess should give a lead to their disciples by two distinct methods of teaching -- by the example of the lives they lead (and that is the most important way) and by the words they use in their teaching. (From para. 3 of Ch. 2 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

I may not often be in official positions of authority, but I am always called to be authentic. Meditation helps me to be authentic, to be my true Self, one with my true Source -- a dynamic energy source that can take me beyond my ego's limitations to touch the heart of another.

Chapter 2: Gifts needed by an abbot or abbess (paragraph 2)

However, it is also true that, if the flock has been unruly and disobedient and the superiors have done everything possible as shepherds to cure their vicious ways, then they will be absolved in the judgement of God and may say with the psalmist: I have not hidden your teaching in my heart; I have proclaimed your truth and the salvation you offer, but they despised and rejected me. (From para. 2 of Ch. 2 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

I have not hidden your teaching in my heart: Meditation teaches me that the experience of the True Self must jump from heart to heart, recognizing with joy the source of divine energy within each of us.

Chapter 2:  Gifts needed by an abbot or abbess (paragraph 1)

Far from it, everything he or she commands or teaches should be like a leaven of the holiness that comes from God infused into the minds of their disciples. (From para. 1 of Ch. 2 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

The leavening power of yeast lightens and expands dough; in the same way my relationship with the Teacher Within enlightens and expands my spirit.

Chapter 1: Four approaches to monastic life

Finally those called gyrovagues are the fourth kind of monk. They spend their whole life going round one province after another enjoying the hospitality for three or four days at a time at any sort of monastic cell or community. They are always on the move; they never settle to put down the roots of stability; it is their own will that they serve as they seek the satisfaction of their own gross appetites.  (From para. 4 of Ch. 1 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

I recognize St Benedict's rendering of the gyrovague as a good description of a familiar state of mind: a diluted, wandering attention, bad habits, rationalizations, self-centeredness, avoidance of commitment. The remedy he orders is stability. For me, that stability is found within the practice of meditation, of simply saying the mantra, and returning to it whenever my mind wanders. The stability that the mantra demands can put me on the way to reality.

Prologue to the Rule (paragraph 8)

With all this in mind what we mean to establish is a school for the Lord's service. In the guidance we lay down to achieve this we hope to impose nothing harsh or burdensome. If, however, you find in it anything which seems rather strict, but which is demanded reasonably for the correction of vice or the preservation of love, do not let that frighten you into fleeing from the way of salvation; it is a way which is bound to seem narrow to start with. (From para. 8 of The Prologue to the Rule of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

In my experience, the mantra has been a way that seemed narrow to start with, and strict, but has proved to me to be demanded reasonably for the correction of egotism, and the preservation of selfless attention. Meditation is a school for the Lord's service.

Prologue to the Rule (paragraph 7)

Well then, brothers and sisters, we have questioned the Lord about who can dwell with him in his holy place and we have heard the demands he makes on such a one; we can be united with him there, only if we fulfil those demands. We must, therefore, prepare our hearts and our bodies to serve him under the guidance of holy obedience. (From para. 7 of The Prologue to the Rule of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

What does it mean to prepare my body to serve under the guidance of holy obedience? That my body is not my own, as St Benedict tells his monks elsewhere? I'm not a monk under obedience to a superior in the conventional sense. I think I must follow the teaching that mediation is the most incarnational form of prayer there is. Thus, even qualities such as physical fitness and moderation prepare me to be wholly in the Presence.

Prologue to The Rule (paragraph 6)

The Lord himself in the gospel teaches us the same when he says: I shall liken anyone who hears my words and carries them out in deed to one who is wise enough to build on a rock; then the floods came and the winds blew and struck that house, but it did not fall because it was built on a rock. (From para. 6 of The Prologue to The Rule of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

The practice of meditation is the rock that stabilizes me throughout the tumult of my life. So that even when my practice seems mostly to reflect the tumult rather than the rock, I am blessed to know that the rock is there, and that I will find it again.

Prologue to The Rule (paragraph 5)

And so to prepare ourselves for the journey before us let us renew our faith and set ourselves high standards by which to lead our lives. [...] Such a follower of Christ lives in reverence of him and does not take the credit for a good life but believing that all the good we do comes from the Lord, gives him the credit and thanksgiving for what his gift brings about in our hearts. (From para. 5 of The Prologue to The Rule of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

I often remember Fr John's description of a monk as "organizing life around an utterly clear priority".  About that utterly clear priority, which in my life is the practice of meditation,  Fr John's has also reminded me that my meditation isn't "my" mediation at all. It's simply a resting in the Lord. So my utterly clear priority directs me to a place of renewal and reverence and thanksgiving.

Prologue to The Rule (paragraph 4)

It is to find workers in his cause that God calls out like that to all peoples. He calls to us in another way in the psalm when he says: Who is there with a love of true life and a longing for days of real fulfilment? (From para. 4 of the Prologue to The Rule of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

My love of true life, my longing for days of real fulfillment, is the Spirit calling to me in silence, to be a faithful to my meditation practice.

Prologue to The Rule (paragraph 3)

Let us open our eyes to the light that can change us into the likeness of God. (From para. 3 of The Prologue to The Rule from Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

St Benedict is telling me nothing less than there is a light that can change me, change us, into the likeness of God! For me, this light is the mantra, a sound so silent that it is a focussed beam of attention leading me away from self-centeredness to the Other. In this way I find the light to see reality beyond my ideas about reality.

Prologue to The Rule (paragraphs 1-2)

Listen, child of God, to the guidance of your teacher.  Attend to the message you hear and make sure that it pierces to your heart, so that you may accept with willing freedom and fulfil by the way you live the directions that come from your loving Father. (From para. 1 of Prologue to The Rule of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1973.)

At the beginning of this year, I am struck by Benedict's linking of a heart-piercing message and freedom of spirit. This seeming paradox of suffering and enlightenment will be realized if I live the the directions that come from my Inner Teacher.