Chapter 7: The value of humility (paragraph 8)

The second step of humility is not to love having our own way nor to delight in our own desires. (From para. 8 of Ch. 7 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry OSB, 1997.)

Delight in my own desires, as wonderful as it sounds, is but an aspect of my heart closed in on itself. When life breaks open a heart, as it does, it breaks it open to love the whole world.

Chapter 7: The value of humility (paragraph 7)

And so, if the eyes of the Lord are watching the good and the wicked, and if at all times the Lord looks down from heaven on the sons and daughters of men to see if any show understanding in seeking God, and if the angels assigned to care for us report our deeds to the Lord day and night, we must be on our guard every hour or else, as the psalmist says, the time may come when God will observe us falling into evil and so made worthless. (From para. 7 of Ch. 7 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

As I sit this morning with these word from Benedict, my mood shifts, from a defensive one, in which my own will is looking to assert itself, to the realization of a loving mutual gaze. God watches me, "the angels assigned to my care report on me", and I'm being taught how to seek God, so that my heart, my actions, may not be fragmented into blind self-satisfaction, but may be made whole.

Chapter 7: The value of humility (paragraph 6)

As to pursuing our own will we are warned against that when scripture says to us: turn away from your own desires; and in the Lord's prayer itself we pray that his will may be brought to fulfilment in  us.  (From para. 6 of Ch. 7 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry OSB, 1997.)

For me, the Lord's prayer links with forgiveness, a returning to right order in relationship with God, with others, with all of creation. Self-will has no place here.

Chapter 7: The value of humility (paragraph 5)

One who follows that way finds protection at all times from sin and vice of thought, of tongue, of hand, of foot, of self-will and of disordered sensual desire, so as to lead a life that is completely open before the scrutiny of God and of his angels who watch over us from hour to hour. (From para. 5 of Ch. 7 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

Benedict links forgetfulness of the presence of God (from the previous reading) with disorder. Forgetfulness is a human frailty that can close me in on on my habits of mind and behavior and lead me to disorder, to an "unconscious" life. The mantra leads me towards remembering who I am in God.

Chapter 7: The value of humility (paragraph 4)

The first step of humility is to cherish at all times the sense of awe with which we should turn to God. It should drive forgetfulness away... (From Ch. 4 of  St. Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

Turning, awe-ing, cherishing -- I'm touched by the energy of these words that can drive forgetfulness away. And, in driving forgetfulness away, driving self-will away. Fr John often speaks of the divine energy source, hidden in the silence of the heart and available as grace. Saying the mantra is to remember.

Chapter 7: The value of humility (paragraphs 1-3)

The word of God in scripture teaches us in clear and resounding terms that anyone who lays claim to a high position will be brought low and anyone who is modest in self-appraisal will be lifted up. (From Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

I hear Benedict making a distinction between the floundering and noisy self-inflation of the ego, and the selflessness necessary to "be lifted up". I have experienced self-inflation as a weighty mixture of pride, anxiety and blindness. I don't think that silence or selflessness weighs anything, and, so, like a tiny bird, is free.

Chapter 6: Cherishing silence in the monastery

I am guarded about the way I speak and have accepted silence in humility refraining even from words that are good. (From para. 1 of Ch. 6 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry OSB, 1997.)

To honor silence so ultimately means I am coming to recognize silence as the language of the Spirit, and as an opportunity for communication through simply being.

Chapter 5: Monastic obedience (paragraphs 4-5)

We should remember, however, that such obedience will be acceptable to God and rewarding to us, if we carry out the orders given us in a way that is not fearful, nor slow, nor half-hearted, nor marred by murmuring or the sort of compliance that betrays resentment. (From para. 4 of Ch. 5 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry OSB, 1997.)

In the translation of the Rule that I'm reading, Abbot Barry notes that murmuring is not a legitimate means for dealing with complaints that may arise in community, because it can destroy confidence in community life. He goes on to say that, for individuals who murmur, "[murmuring] becomes increasingly addictive and [murmurers] develop a corresponding blindness to the harm they are doing to themselves and to others." This sounds like a good description of passive aggression to me. Meditation makes me increasingly alert to habits of my mind that are even subtly aggressive, so that I may choose the direction of peace.

Chapter 5: Monastic obedience (paragraphs 1-3)

The first step on the way to humility is to obey an order without delaying for a moment. That is a response which comes easily to those who hold nothing dearer than Christ himself. ... The obedience of such people leads them to leave aside their own concerns and forsake their own will. They abandon what they have in hand and leave it unfinished. With a ready step inspired by obedience they respond by their action to the voice that summons them. (From paras. 1 and 2 of Ch. 5 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry OSB, 1997.)

"With a ready step inspired by obedience they respond by their action to the voice that summons them." That voice, in my life, is the voice of the Inner Teacher, who calls me, in a continuing conversion of life, to respond less and less to fantasy, and more and more to the reality of divine love.

Chapter 4: Guidelines for Christian and monastic good practice (paragraphs 9-13)

You should take delight in listening to sacred reading and in often turning generously to prayer.

(From para. 9 of Ch. 4 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry OSB, 1997.)

Delight in listening, and turning generously. It seems to me that St Benedict describes what it is like to live with selfless attention, and an expanding sprit.

Chapter 4: Guidelines for Christian and monastic good practice (paragraphs 6-8)

Keep the reality of death always before your eyes, have a care about how you act every hour of your life and be sure that God is present everywhere and that he certainly sees and understands what you are about. (From para. 7 of Ch. 4 of St. Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

Keeping death always before my eyes -- I am reading this very closely as St. Benedict's advice about how to live in community. He's not telling me to be morbid, or lost in fantasies, and be a downer to everyone around me. Instead Benedict ties the constant reality of death to realizing the presence of God. The constant reality of death is nothing other than life beyond the ego, the key to life in community.

Chapter 4: Guidelines for Christian and monastic good practice (paragraphs 3-5)

Don't let your actions be governed by anger nor nurse your anger against a future opportunity of indulging it. (From para. 3 of Chapter 4 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

Repetitive thoughts that run around in my head, weigh down my heart. These patterns of negativity stem, I think, from my wounded ego. As I recognize these useless mental habits, I see how much they are like distractions at the time of meditation. I am learning to let them go.

Chapter 4: Guidelines for Christian and monastic good practice (paragraphs 1-2)

Renounce your own desires and ambitions so as to be free to follow Christ. (From para. 2 of Ch. 4 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, 1997.)

If I don't follow my own desires and ambitions today, what am I going to do? St Benedict is telling me to to follow Christ. And for that, I need to let go of not only my desires and ambitions, but also my ego's idea of what it means to be free. And that way is through selfless attention. If I do my best today with with selfless attention, my heart is not weighed down, but free.

Chapter 3: Calling the community together for consultation (paragraphs 2-3)

Such is the appropriate way to conform to that precept of scripture: If you act always after hearing the counsel of others, you will avoid the need to repent of your decision afterwards. (From para. 3 of Ch. 3 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry OSB, 1997.)

I'm grateful when the Spirit inspires me with energy and initiative. And yet, I also know that to act within a loving community requires counsel, discernment, and patience, for the very reason that the movement must be of the Spirit, and not of my ego.

Chapter 3: Calling the community together for consultation (paragraph 1)

The community themselves should be careful to offer their advice with due deference and respect, avoiding an obstinate defence of their own convictions. (From para. 1 of Ch. 3 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry OSB, 1997.)

Assumptions and self-defense can cause problems in my dialogue with others, even in subtle ways. Email and texting can make misunderstanding each other exponentially worse. Meditation teaches me to recognize the control tactics of my ego, especially the habit of the sarcastic riposte, so that I might engage authentically with another. May I truly learn to express the deference, respect and self-control that spring from the compassionate heart. 

Chapter 2: Gifts needed by an abbot or abbess (paragraphs 8-9)

It is above all important that monastic superiors should not underrate or think lightly of the salvation of the souls committed to them by giving too much attention to transient affairs of this world which have no lasting value. (From para. 8 of Ch. 2 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry OSB, 1997.)

Am I in the presence of God as I move throughout my day, or am I in the fabrications of my ego?

Chapter 2: Gifts needed by an abbot or abbess (paragraph 7)

It is the task of the superiors to adapt with sympathetic understanding to the needs of each so that they may not only avoid any loss but even have the joy of increasing the number of good sheep in the flock committed to them. (From para. 7 of Ch. 2 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry OSB, 1997.)

Adapting with sympathetic understanding, it seems to me, is a fruit of selfless attention. Such attention has the power to transform my consciousness, and thus the consciousness of the world, through my simple, faithful practice.

Chapter 2: Gifts needed by an abbot or abbess (paragraph 5-6)

They should make their own the different ways of teaching which the Apostle Paul recommended to Timothy when he told him to make use of criticism, of entreaty and of rebuke. (From para. 5 of Ch. 2 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

To know how to guide someone appropriately, I must first put my habitual thought patterns aside, and listen to the other with an open heart.

Chapter 2: Gifts needed by an abbot or abbess (paragraph 4)

They should not select for special treatment any individual in the monastery. (From para. 4 of Ch. 2 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

I can't be an authentic leader committed to the welfare of others, and play favorites. My attitude must be inclusive, even when challenged, to help each person in my care to discover the love that already exists within them. Such love, in the eyes of St Benedict and Fr John, always sets another free.

Chapter 2: Gifts needed by an abbot or abbess (paragraph 3)

Any, then, who accept the name of abbot or abbess should give a lead to their disciples by two distinct methods of teaching -- by example of the lives they lead (and that is the most important way) and by the words they use in their teaching. (From para. 3 of Ch. 2 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

"To give a lead" -- I recognize that as a parent of grown-up children my main job is to listen, to support, and, perhaps, gently to remind them how to choose a good path. I can listen, I can model, but what I can't do is control. Leadership is not about control but about love.

Chapter 2: Gifts needed by an abbot or abbess (paragraph 2)

In fact they should remember that they will have to account in the awesome judgement of God both for their own teaching and also for the obedience of their disciples.  (From para. 2 of Ch. 2 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

My hunch about the judgment of God is that it's "awesome" because it's inclusive, and probably the term "judgment" doesn't really apply at all. I'm treading on mysterious territory here, but the contemplative experience helps me see that so-called judgment may actually be more of a purification -- a burning away of all that causes individual separateness -- but not of individual responsibility. I'm responsible for my own actions and the infinite ways they reverberate in the universe.

Chapter 2: Gifts needed by an abbot or abbess (paragraph 1)

Anyone who aspires as abbot or abbess to be superior of a monastery should always remember what is meant by the title and fulfil in their monastic life all that is required in one holding the office of monastic superior. (From para. 1 of Ch. 2 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

It seems to me that holding an office can be done in an "official" or even "officious" way, but what's required of me, in the office of parent, teacher, caregiver, friend, is to be authentic. Being authentic rules out "acting superior". Truly caring for others requires a recognition of my own frailties, so that I can be compassionate towards others. Being open to reality provides a stable base for me and those others who are open to  growth.

Chapter 1: Four approaches to monastic life

For a rule of life [Sarabaites] have only the satisfaction of their own desires. Any precept they think up for themselves and then decide to adopt they do not hesitate to call holy. Anything they dislike they consider inadmissable. (From para. 3 of Ch. 1 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

This represents a kind of inner disorganization to me -- my attention easily being led astray,  my energy wasted on a constant reference to my conflicting opinions. With the practice of meditation I'm guided into a kind, loving and other-centered approach to life. Even when my practice falters, I know for sure what my practice is, and find a glimmering of spiritual freedom in this stability.

Prologue to The Rule (paragraph 8)

If, however, you find in it anything which seems rather strict, but which is demanded reasonably for the correction of vice or the preservation of love, do not let that frighten you into fleeing from the way of salvation; it is a way which is bound to seem narrow to start with. (From para. 8 of Prologue to The Rule of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

Meditation, it seems to me, is, like the monastery which Benedict administers, a school for the Lord's service. The practice of the mantra is strict, demanded reasonably for the correction of vice or the preservation of love, and is a way which is bound to seem narrow to start with. And, thus, it is also a way forward into liberty of spirit.

Prologue to The Rule (paragraph 7)

We must, therefore, prepare our hearts and bodies to serve him under the guidance of holy obedience. Conscious in this undertaking of our own weakness let us ask the Lord to give us through grace the help we need. (From para. 7 of Prologue to The Rule of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

When I examine what it means to me to "prepare my heart and body" in this way, I realize I'm called to a clearing out of attachments. I recall that elsewhere in the Rule Benedict tells me to eliminate the "thoughtless compromises that have crept in", as well as to make sure that my heart and body are not "weighed down". The mantra teaches me not to cling to distractions. Obedience, in this sense, means letting go.

Prologue to The Rule (paragraph 6)

For that very reason also, so that we may mend our evil ways, the days of our mortal lives are allowed us as a sort of truce for improvement. (From para. 6 of Prologue to The Rule of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

I associate the word "truce" with warfare, but the roots of the word are in "truth". What better reason for me to live each new day, than to come closer to the truth of who I am, in the reality of the Spirit, with the mantra as my guide.

Chapter 2: Gifts needed by an abbot or abbess (paragraph 3)

Any, then, who accept the name of abbot or abbess should give a lead to their disciples by two distinct methods of teaching -- by example of the lives they lead (and that is the most important way) and by the words they use in their teaching. (From para. 3 of Ch. 2 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

"To give a lead" -- I recognize that as a parent of grown-up children my main job is to listen, to support, and, perhaps, gently to remind them how to choose a good path. I can listen, I can model, but what I can't do is control. Leadership is not about control but about love.

Prologue to The Rule (paragraph 5)

And so now to prepare ourselves for the journey before us let us renew our faith and set ourselves high standards by which to lead our lives. (From para. 5 of Prologue to The Rule of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

Perhaps the highest standard of all for me is Christ's teaching to live in the here and now. How would suffering, especially self-generated habits of mind, be transformed, if I encountered life without judgement or fear? What would break through in the now?

Prologue to The Rule (paragraph 4)

What gentler encouragement could we have, my dear brothers and sisters, than that word from the Lord calling us to himself in such a way! We can see with what loving concern the Lord points out to us the path of life. (From para. 4 of Prologue to The Rule of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

I'm struck by Benedict's choice of the words "gentle" and "loving", because, as a teacher of meditation, those are two words I rely on to encourage people to say the mantra without harshness or force. The mantra is a word calling me to the Lord, and it is gentle and loving, the way the Lord points out to me the path of life.

Prologue to The Rule (paragraph 3)

Let us open our eyes to the light that can change us into the likeness of God. Let our ears be alert to the stirring call of his voice crying to us everyday: today, if you should hear his voice, do not harden your hearts,(From para. 3 of The Prologue to The Rule from Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

St. Benedict is urging me to open my eyes, attune my ears, soften my heart. I am tempted, at first, to understand these senses in only the spiritual sense, but I have a hunch that the picture is much bigger than that. I think the bigger picture is that both physical and spiritual is transformed in the unifying power of selfless attention.

Prologue to The Rule (paragraphs 1-2)

Listen, child of God, to the guidance of your teacher. Attend to the message you hear and make sure that it pierces to your heart, so that you may accept with willing freedom and fulfil by the way you live the directions that come from your loving Father. (From para. 1 of Prologue to The Rule of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1973.)

I stand waiting to be delivered -- into a new day or a new experience or a new phase of my life -- and the words "child of God" don't strike me with the sentimentality that they sometimes do. They remind me that I am already loved, and I welcome all the vulnerability and strength this freedom gives me. I welcome the loving guidance of my Inner Teacher.