Chapter 7: The value of humility (paragraph 17)

The tenth step of humility teaches that we should not be given to empty laughter on every least occasion because: a fool's voice is for ever raised in laughter. (Para. 17 from Ch. 7 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry OSB, 1997.)

I recognize that empty laughter is full of ego. But laughter, full of joy in being, transforms me.

Chapter 7: The value of humility (paragraph 16)

The ninth step of humility leads us to refrain from unnecessary speech and to guard our silence by not speaking until we are addressed. (From para. 16 of Ch. 7 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry OSB, 1997.)

Into this teaching I read wisdom about the speed of speech -- or the quality of speech in time.  For example, do I pause so that I may respond rather than react, or even restrain my response altogether so that I may continue to listen to another more deeply? Speaking with a measured but unaffected slowness can have a spiritual quality, allowing my words to come from my heart, and not from an obsession with expressing my ego. In this culture, I think that speaking from a contemplative sense of time is rare and radical, and might frustrate others, but can also, with God's grace, inspire them.

Chapter 7: The value of humility (paragraph 15)

The eighth step of humility teaches us to do nothing which goes beyond what is approved and encouraged by the common rule of the monastery and the example of our seniors. (Para. 15 of Ch. 7 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry OSB, 1997.)

At first, this paragraph reads to me like a real damper on individual initiative and discernment. But the qualities I read more deeply into it are true self-knowledge, openness to being formed a wisdom tradition, and stability in seeking Christ in my heart. It's also not too much of a stretch for me to recognize the faithful discipline required by the practice of meditation. In this way, St. Benedict offers me a guide to liberty of spirit.

Chapter 7: The value of humility (paragraph 14)

I was raised up high in honor, but then I was humbled and overwhelmed with confusion. (From para. 14 of Ch. 7 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry OSB, 1997.)

Confusion would be an unhappy end to the story, if I remained demoralized forever. But the humbling I experience, when I can confront loss with an open heart, brings me, through grace, to a radical acceptance of what is.  Because what is, is where God is.

Chapter 7: The value of humility (paragraph 13)

The sixth step of humility for monks or nuns is to accept without complaint really wretched and inadequate conditions so that when faced with a task of any kind they would think of themselves as poor workers not worthy of consideration and repeat to God the verse of the psalm: I am of no account and lack understanding, no better than a beast in your sight. Yet I am always in your presence. (From para. 13 of Ch. 7 of Saint Benedict's Psalm, trans. by Patrick Barry OSB, 1997.)

The important sentence here, for me, is the last one. It's hard for me to read Benedict's admonition to think of myself as worthless and accept it as a model of healthy self-esteem. But the fact is I sometimes do feel quite unworthy, and the way through that is not in esteem-building exercises, but in remembering that I am nothing without God, and yet, I am always in his presence. What changes is my fickle point of view. What is constant and redeeming is the divine energy that sustains me.

Chapter 7: The value of humility (paragraph 12)

The fifth step of humility is that we should not cover up but humbly confess to our superior or spiritual guide whatever evil thoughts come into our minds and the evil deeds we have done in secret. (From para. 12 of Ch. 7 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry OSB, 1997.)

St. Benedict challenges me to see that to deny aspects of myself that I don't like, or that I don't want others to know, is sin. I separate myself from the true self-knowledge of my relationship to God, who already loves me in my totality, and waits to transform me wholly in love.

Chapter 7: The value of humility (paragraphs 10-11)

The fourth step of humility is to go even further than this by readily accepting in patient and silent endurance, without thought of giving up the issue, any hard and demanding things that may come our way in the course of that obedience, even if they include harsh impositions which are unjust. (From para. 10 of Ch. 7 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry OSB, 1997.)

Even though I clearly don't have an external superior such as an abbess, it's clear to me that I do suffer from "harsh impositions which are unjust". Only God can lead me through the difficult ways of discerning what damages my self-confidence, versus what helps me place my center of being in God. John Main teaches me: "To be stable we need to be sure of ourselves. We need to feel we are standing on firm ground and that we will not have our identity or self-respect blown away by the first storms of disappointment or conflict which we encounter. Meditation is the way to this first and basic sense of stability, rootedness in ourselves." (Silence and Stillness, p.267.)