Chapter 2: Gifts needed by an abbot or abbess (paragraph 3)

Any, then, who accept the name of abbot or abbess should give a lead to their disciples by two distinct methods of teaching -- by example of the lives they lead (and that is the most important way) and by the words they use in their teaching. (From para. 3 of Ch. 2 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

"To give a lead" -- I recognize that as a parent of grown-up children my main job is to listen, to support, and, perhaps, gently to remind them how to choose a good path. I can listen, I can model, but what I can't do is control. Leadership is not about control but about love.