Chapter 2: Gifts needed by an abbot or abbess (paragraphs 5-6)
They should make their own the different ways of teaching which the Apostle Paul recommended to Timothy when he told him to make use of criticism, of entreaty and of rebuke. Thus in adapting to changing circumstances they should use now the encouragement of a loving parent and now the threats of a harsh disciplinarian. (From para. 5 of Ch. 2 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)
Paul's list of teaching styles doesn't seem spot on for me. Even taking into consideration the necessity at times for "tough love", it seems to me that "criticism, entreaty, rebuke" could easily reflect my impulse for control more than respect for the other. Control can even take the guise of love. I think that what will lead me to appropriate responses is a habit of deep listening.
I am reminded today of how surprised I was to discover that “Tough”Love is called that, not because it means being tough with my child or subordinate but because it means being tough with myself. It is tough, hard, for my ego to admit that I, as a person in authority always have a lot to learn about how to love responsibly as a parent or a leader. Blaming and shaming of one or another of my children or grandchildren is not a responsible way to love them. Abba, teach me humility in my service of others.
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