Chapter 7: The value of humility (paragraph 5)
One who follows that way finds protection at all times from sin and vice of thought, of tongue, of hand, of foot, of self-will and of disordered sensual desire, so as to lead a life that is completely open before the scrutiny of God and of his angels who watch over us from hour to hour. (From para. 5 of Ch. 7 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)
Benedict explains to me that if I live alertly to the intimate presence of God, I find protection. In this loving relationship with God, I find that I don't need to live in denial or evasion. What an incomprehensible message to my ego! So much of my energy goes into my ego's perception of what I need to say or do to look out for myself. But what Benedict is telling me about living under the wings of God's protection, is, paradoxically, the ultimate in being set free.
“Only people who have undergone some level of conversion can be told they have the Holy Spirit and be prepared to understand what one is talking about.” (Richard Rohr, “The Naked Now: Learning to See As the Mystics See”, Chapter One). Benedict, here, to me, is talking about conversion, too. You have, by your grace, converted me and continue to convert me from my sinfulness, my egocentric inclination to want to control, to be in charge, to play you, to play God, Abba. The gift of desperation, including suicidal thoughts, having to face my powerlessness over my anxiety and depression and self-centered fear, humbled me just enough to let me open myself to your Spirit and know the joy of surrender and of letting go and of falling into your waiting arms.
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