Chapter 28: The treatment of those who relapse
If even such prayer does not bring healing, the superior must turn to the knife of amputation, following the guidance of St Paul, who told the Corinthians to banish the evil from their midst, and again he said: if the unfaithful one wishes to go, let him go, lest one diseased sheep corrupt the whole flock. (From Ch. 28 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)
At first, Benedict speaks of amputation, but then he speaks of letting go. Letting go can sometimes feel like amputation. But I can't judge the path another needs to take for growth, just as I can't judge the person who takes it. Neither can I understand the mysteries of growth, I can only experience the transformative powers of suffering and faith.
It was hard for me to accept, let alone understand, how a nice, well-meaning, hard-working guy like me could drive a woman crazy. I had no idea how self-centered I was. I had no clue about how much pain and loneliness my workaholic self-preoccupations were causing the woman I had married sixteen years earlier and professed to love. She announced that she had to separate from me in order to preserve her sanity and to be able to be there for our two sons. Only this temporary, and the threat of permanent, “amputation” was able to pierce my egocentric fog. The ensuing pain and confusion woke me up. By your grace, Abba, we have, happily, the both of us, survived and grown, despite or maybe, because of, the two separations we have had in our now forty-one years of marriage. Benedict would understand well these dynamics.
ReplyDeleteIf there is one thing that I want amputated from me now is my pride. For years, I built this tower of pride in me, consciously ad unconsciously. Now that I want to get rid of it, it is so strong a fortress that only God's grace can shatter it. So, dear Lord please help me with this issue of pride for oftentimes 'the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.' Thank you
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