Chapter 5: Monastic obedience (paragraphs 4-5)
We should remember, however, that such obedience will be acceptable to God and rewarding to us, if we carry out the orders given us in a way that is not fearful, nor slow, nor half-hearted, nor marred by murmuring or the sort of compliance that betrays resentment. (From para. 4 of Ch. 5 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry OSB, 1997.)
In the translation of the Rule that I'm reading, Abbot Barry notes that murmuring is not a legitimate means for dealing with complaints that may arise in community, because it can destroy confidence in community life. He goes on to say that, for individuals who murmur, "[murmuring] becomes increasingly addictive and [murmurers] develop a corresponding blindness to the harm they are doing to themselves and to others." This sounds like a good description of passive aggression to me. Meditation makes me increasingly alert to habits of my mind that are even subtly aggressive, so that I may choose the direction of peace.
ReplyDeleteO how I wish I could say that I obey without "murmuring or the kind of compliance that betrays resentment", Abba. But Jesus, in his beautiful parable of the father and his two sons, reminds me that you love us murmurers and resentful folks like me, too. You lovingly and patiently ignore my grumbling when I ultimately accept your will and do what you ask of me today--cheerfully or not. That's your bottom line.