Chapter 7: The value of humility (paragraph 12)
The fifth step of humility is that we should not cover up but humbly confess to our superior or spiritual guide whatever evil thoughts come into our minds and the evil deeds we have done in secret. (From para. 12 of Ch. 7 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)
There is the secret part of my being which is the mysterious union of my uniqueness with God. But I pray that I may present to the world a transparent face, a transparent heart, because I am strong in my secret.
Some of my “evil thoughts” revolve around my battles with both my low self-esteem and its complement, my grandiosity. Humility is nothing more or less than truth, the truth about me. It means my becoming right-sized, recognizing clearly, as the Twelve-Steppers define it, “who and what I really am, followed by a sincere commitment to become what I could be”.
ReplyDeleteBenedict is asking me to know myself deeply and to acknowledge the truth of myself first of all to myself even if it means going, "against myself" and then to someone else. How easy it is to pull the wool over my own eyes with self-justification and self-delusion and live in a "cloud of self-centered love" (Catherine of Siena). Help me O Lord, and banish the cloud of darkness in me with the gentle, loving light of your truth. amen.
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